6 Facts About Being an Introvert in an Extrovert's World
An introvert is someone who gains energy when in solitude and whose energy levels are drained quickly when they are surrounded by people. Even if they have fun! Introverts aren’t antisocial, they just have a limited amount of resources to spend time in public space. When that cup is empty, they recharge by being on their own in their safe space. Whereas extroverts fill their cups when being in social situations.
Next to these major characteristics, the following article will reveal differences between introverts and extroverts and how society affects the image of which personality traits are desirable. This may serve as a guide on characteristics of introverts, how they are misunderstood at times as well as on how to deal with introverts.
People assume you are quiet or shy.
Well. Yes, we are quiet at first, because we get overwhelmed by all the sensations in a group. When you get us to know in a more private situation though, we can really show up as the best version of ourselves. We just don’t feel the need or just don’t enjoy all the attention when leading a conversation in a large group.
We tend to get overstimulated by all the different senses, beings, emotions, topics and words! As a plus, due to the small talk topics we often can’t really relate, because talking about the daily is not what we’re passionate about... It’s much more the deep topics that connect people getting us to talk with that sparkle of passion in our eyes.
2. People may not get that it’s not being unmotivated that hold you back but that you really not want to go.
Big misunderstanding. Please, we already feel very antisocial at times because society has (wrongly) taught us that you’re is more likable if you’re a highly social being! (Which is a misconception as there are other introverts obviously who enjoy the same calm activities). So if we take the courage to stand up for our needs and explain that we’re not in the mood to be around people it’s BECAUSE WE’RE NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE AROUND PEOPLE. It actually drains us even more if others keep pushing us to come to a gathering. We wish to be our best selves around you and we indeed ARE social, just not to such an extent as extroverts are. If we get to recharge our batteries with me-time and show up when we feel like it, oh yes you’ll have a bunch of fun with us.
PS: who in this world spread the idea that being happy in solitude is a bad thing anyway??!! It’s actually a huge sign of independence and freedom!
Being okay with being alone is a sign of independence.
3. You might not be given the career opportunities in your job that are given to extroverts.
I have friends telling me they didn’t get the job because they were questioned to be assertive enough. Hello? Why is it that being loud and more at ease to be commanding (haha no offence) is seen as a need for leaders? In fact, introvert leaders tend to make much more thoughtful and not as impulsive decisions because of their nature to take time to think about it in depth.
They also perceive vibes in a room or a meeting and have the ability to look through people due to their high empathetic abilities. This can be very beneficial for collaborations, effective communication, new business or product development. Still, because the first impression often counts, it’s the more outgoing people that happen to be more ‚successful‘. A major fault as I find. Variety is everything. The insight of introverts and the drive of extroverts together can create such high value.
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4. You are said to think TOO much when in reality it’s a gift to be reflective.
Okay. Personal story. When I was a child and a teenager and yes of course still nowadays, I am someone who does think quite a bit! Someone who considers everyone’s feelings when it comes to a decision or something I have said or done. I’ve always been a great thinker and reflected on things like the purpose of life ever since.
My mother though who probably intended to help me feel better (because it caused me depression and unhappiness as a teenager) told me that I just thought TOO MUCH, that I was an overthinker. But she said it like there was something wrong with me. It really wasn’t. I just hadn’t figured out yet how I can apply this talent and how it is serving me. That I was told that it was bad to have deep thoughts certainly didn’t help.
After years and years of questioning myself, I came onto my own personal and spiritual growth journey where I finally could see my ability to perceive things in a very sensitive, reflective and thoughtful way as a gift. Because I could understand my friends without them having to explain because I could perceive behaviours more distinctively and see what the root of problems and conflict was. Because it lead me to start writing poetry, blog posts and Instagram captions that reached people’s hearts.
Being reflective and thoughtful is a gift to this world. This, my friends, might be even a way to balance and heal humanity and this planet.
5. People wonder why you CANT HAVE FUN.
What’s fun for extroverts like being in large groups with aaaaall their friends, in a club or a pub or also at someone’s house party is great for them, but sorry, not always for us. Well, if we got there and had enough time in advance to really recharge for that house party, it’s not a big problem, we actually enjoy it, especially when we’re with our friends (maybe only then haha because small talk with new people can be scary).
However, it’s not always our definition of FUN. We much more enjoy a walk or a hike in nature, watch a movie with loved ones, go on a one-on-one date with great food (OR!) with a friend, just watch our favourite Netflix/ Youtube show or lose ourselves in a good book.
And like I said, it’s a definition. Just because someone spread the word that fun has to be something with lots of people and alcohol, it doesn’t mean that that’s correct. We both extroverts and introverts should honour our different ways of having fun and just let be what is. Cause that’s when we open our hearts for each other and can actually enjoy ourselves in whatsoever setting.
6. You might be seen as a lone wolf or arrogant when you pick your friends very wisely.
Not only does me time mean a lot to us, but also when we spend time with our friends, we want to have a great time with meaningful connections! Casual hanging around is really just a thing between besties to us. Besides that, we like to go on lovely coffee or food dates, maybe to art galleries or spending time in nature together. It has to have a sense of a purpose to us because if not, our best buddies to hang out with are either like I said our very best friends our yup: ourselves.
We love spending time with people but the deep urge for purposefulness and the passion for deep talk makes us want to spend quality time with especially those to whom we are very close. It can be a lot otherwise to get into the flow of a passionate conversation with meaningful topics for us. Not because you can’t do that with everyone, but because it takes us quite a while to put ourselves fully out there.
And no, it’s not that we think we are better than others when we hesitate to engage in a conversation, it’s rather that it’s small talk which yeah is meh to us, it’s the overstimulating surrounding that drains all of our energy already or because we want to be fully present and dive deep in a conversation of two to three people. This depth is just not possible in a large group, but it’s what motivates us most to be social. Meaningful exchange and quality time is everything.