9 Ideas How to Love Yourself More
Okay. So my main motivation for this post is that you really have to understand that self love is the basis for any other kind of love you may want to give. You can’t give from an empty cup, you can't share cookies if you don’t have any. What helped me most in my recovery from depression is the knowing that LOVE is not an unlimited resource, that it is always there and that it is YOU in the first place who should give yourself the love you deserve.
A major spoiler before my checklist even begins: Do not expect others to love you and then love them. Love unconditionally and spread as much as you possibly can, then watch how much more you attract into your life. It’s honestly not about being loved, it is about LOVING.
You are enough.
1. always do your best. Accept that you make the effort to.
Be okay with your decisions and mistakes. In order to love yourself, one thing is unavoidable: you have to be okay with not being perfect. As simple as it sounds, as much as a challenge it can be… You came here to be. TO BE. To experience life, yourself, relationships, etc. You are constantly evolving and this includes to make mistakes. Don't blame or question yourself. How can we know how painful a cut can be until we slip the knife onto our hands?
Through mistakes, you become wiser and gain clarity on what you want. Honestly, to me, there is not even such a thing as a mistake, but only constant growth. See every event as an opportunity to grow and explore your soul. If you learn to see yourself as the creator of these experiences that make your soul get to the place where it needs to be - how can you ever question yourself again?
2. Become aware of the people that love you.
Think about how loved you are. That is no coincidence! You are loved because you are lovable. You add so much value to people's lives that they crave your vibe and want to be around you! See what a priceless value you have to them. Give yourself credits for being a good friend. A funny sister, a great mom. You are an amazing human being who is worth to share legendary experiences with. And then, there is the universe. It is keen to support you in any matter. But you have to go first: act from self respect and self love and it will serve you events that mirror exactly this self-concept.
3. How other people treat you has nothing to do with yoU.
But everything with them. We see the world not as it is but as we are. Our surroundings and related perceptions depend on our inner world. If someone mistreated you, know that it wasn’t about you but about the pain, the emptiness, the resentment, the pressure inside of them. It is not our soul’s nature to hurt.
Become aware that whenever you encounter mean or hurtful behaviour, it isn't because you are wrong or you are not worthy to be treated well. It is about the pain that your counterpart feels inside. Because they have the same struggle you might have: not feeling worthy. Not feeling enough. See the other person from a place of compassion for their pain. It’s not about you. And: you two are closer than you might think.
Speak to yourself like you would to your best friend.
4. Speak to yourself as you would to your best friend.
Yup, old but gold. Watch your words! They create your reality. Literally. I believe words are underestimated, but like everything in this world, words and thoughts have a certain frequency and they are likely to connect to events that are on the same level.
Let’s assume you think of yourself was not worthy or even say things like „I hate my life“ „Why can’t things go right for me once?“ Guess what? Exactly these statements are going to manifest in your reality. This is how the universe works (check out this article by mindbodygreen for more).
I urge you to speak only positively about yourself. At least, try to. If you fail at times, don’t worry, it is a matter of habit. Take a step back, observe and replace negative thoughts with positive statements.
You got to do this work, even if you don’t feel it immediately, I promise you by repeating it over and over again at some point you’ll believe it.
5. Heal and love your inner child.
Oh, this one is a powerful one, but it does indeed take some time as well. The key learning is: give yourself the love you needed as a child but didn’t receive. This doesn’t mean your parents are horrible people, but, you know, they are human just like you and me and they have their own wounds and sometimes fail at giving us the love we may have needed.
It is one of the most healing exercises I ever did when it comes to self love. I recommend reading books about it to first become aware of the mechanisms and secondly do guided meditations in which you comfort your inner child and bath it in unconditional love. Sounds cheesy? Give it a try ;).
Appreciate your body.
6. Appreciate your body.
Love your body. It is here, because you are alive. It allows you to live this life and it takes you to all these beautiful places. Admittedly, this one is a tricky one for me. Still. Yoga and a vegan diet have helped me a lot through this. You weren’t born to look perfect. If that is what the creative source wanted humanity to be, you can bet we all would be an expression of perfection!
But hey, we were created with individual body types. In this machine of a body that scientists have researched on for decades and still haven’t figured out every process profoundly.
Your heart beats every single day a hundred thousand times and never stops! Appreciate your body for its functions and the fact that it allows you to live this beautiful life with endless possibilities.
You are not meant to be perfect.
7. You are not meant to be perfect.
You are meant to be unique with special skills and special personality traits. No one is really interested in being around the perfect human that makes others become aware of their flaws. Is there even such a thing? A perfect human? I don't think so. And I'm glad there isn't.
What truly moves us is vulnerability and authenticity. That is where the potential for meaningful connection lies. In laughing about mistakes, in crying together, in yes, sharing feelings unapologetically. My favourite part: because we are all imperfect, we may help each other by sharing our individual expertise and create a network of greatness.
8. Practice affirmations to convince yourself that you're so damn lovable.
Affirmations are my all time favourite tool. I’ve used them since a couple of years now and they always bring me back to the person that I aspire to be. You can write them down, say them silently in your mind or say them out loud looking into the mirror (weird at first but extremely powerful). You have to repeat them often. So much that at one point you can’t but automatically believe them. They’ll reach your subconscious. Always, always, always, put them in a positive way of what you want to be or attract: Let’s assume you’d like to love yourself unconditionally. Say:
I accept my flaws, I love myself unconditionally and I am loved unconditionally.
Even dare to add: I love others unconditionally because the way you treat others reflects how you treat yourself and vice versa.
I am loved.
I appreciate the gift of being alive every day.
I see the beauty in my flaws and in everyone else's.
I see myself from a place of compassion and understanding and so do I see others.
I intend to talk positively about myself.
I have a generous heart, I love myself unconditionally, I love others unconditionally and I am loved unconditionally.
I appreciate my strengths, my wisdom and the body I am given to live in.
My life is a gift and I am here to share as much love as I can.
I am loved for who I am.
I attract warm-hearted and honest people into my life.
9. Be conscious about your media use:
Stop reading fashion and lifestyle magazines:
All images are photoshopped anyway. Those pictures give you a false idea of what you have to look like to be happy. Because the happy faces in these magazines aren’t really happy in reality. Happiness is an inside job. It’s not about the looks at ALL. I can tell you, because at my lowest weight ever, I was also the unhappiest version of myself ever ever.
Make healthy choices about what you feed your mind with on the TV:
Advertisements and shows often vibrate at a very low level and evoke needs within yourself that in reality don’t exist. It is all about marketing and emotional manipulation. Trust me, I have a degree in media management and I know all the tools they use to make you feel small and sad so that you buy their products to feel better. A product can never make you love yourself and make you happy. It is an inside job.
Sort out profiles from your Instagram feed:
Choose wisely who you want to appear in your feed. I decluttered my feed a while ago just after the Marie Kondo principle - only content that fuels my soul, inspires me and brings me joy makes it to my feed. If I feel the slightest bad about a post or a picture - I do not follow. Observe yourself and how you feel about your consumption: Be aware of what serves you and love yourself enough to take good care of your own wellbeing.